Let me be the one to say this:
I am NOT GOOD when it comes to relationships.
I say the wrong things, I do the wrong things, I think the wrong things. It is inevitable that if I am interested in a young lady romantically, I am going to do something that stretches that relationship to its very limits and makes one wonder why they ever entered into relationship with me in the first place. I am capable of utterly reducing a loving, caring relationship into a pile of smoldering rubble with a simple errant thought or misspoken word. It is amazing that I have ever had anyone interested in me — ever!
I recently made a huge mistake in judgement and I let my feelings get the best of me. It blew up in my face and I still have to make amends for my huge blunder.
Having said that, I realize we always equate romantics to emotion and the heart. After we have been entangled in the snares of bad relationship, we then use our heads. In all actuality, relationships that you plan to invest in require you to use both.
You are led by your heart. That’s how you fall in love in the first place. Your heart is what draws you to fall for someone and melt when they are in your presence. The heart has no defenses because it is a passive instrument. Once it falls, it falls and once it is hurt, it hurts.
The mind, on the other hand, has quite a few fail-safes and alarm systems in place to guard itself. You reason with your mind and rationalize.
That ‘ol brain of yours will weigh out every avenue. The brain will tell you to build a wall to defend yourself and it will close you off from the world. It will also process information from a third party like a pitch from a good salesman and make you think that a blatant lie is the gospel truth.
Your heart will get hurt, your emotions will get invested and your mind will play tricks on you. This is why you have to be taught to love.
What??? I know that you had to re-read that last sentence. You have to be taught to love. The standards of love, what it looks and acts like. I always charge parents with teaching their children whom they should love (based on the standards the family sets) and when to love ( never too late, but possibly too soon).
On the flip side, your mind will play tricks on you and the enemy will use the weaknesses in your mind to show you things that are not there and magnify the things that are. This leads me to another startling statement: you must be taught how to think. You have to be instructed about letting emotions get the best of you and what your mental triggers are. Many people walk around with no instruction in heart or brain.
From first-hand experience, I can tell you that you must open up your heart to give and receive love, to forgive the past and extend mercy when it is and isn’t deserved. You must also gird up your loins. Put your big boy/girl pants ion and strap up for the ride of your life. Take your mind along for the ride too. Acknowledge the signs and even confront them, but without accusation or malice. Count your past for what it is — your past –and don’t use it as a bargaining chip for the next one that comes along. I’m not telling you to be a fool, but don’t make a fool out of yourself, either.
As a side note, I encourage you to keep God in the relationship — any relationship. Just because you may be Christian, that doesn’t mean that God automatically is in the relationship. You have to BRING Him in. Your relationship with Him is to take precedence over all others. If I date someone that has a problem with my mother, you can best believe that they will be out of the picture long before she will. God and His Word are integral and need to be brought into any pairing that involved the heart and/or mind.
My life is short, my mind is sensitive and my heart is fragile. I wish I could say that I have done everything right and I certainly can’t say I did everything wrong. However, don’t copy my mistakes by letting insecurities and former hurt cloud your judgement. You are not the only one who has ever been hurt and when you find someone who is into you, I guarantee that they have had the same trust issues you have. If they are willing to throw caution to the wind and open up, so should you. You mother, your friends, your sister, your brother, dad, uncles and a host of other loved ones will sound the alarm in case you miss the warning signs and set you straight if you are acting the part of an arse.
Love wholly with your heart, think clearly with your mind and keep both in check so that there is a balance within you. The Bible records Paul as he speaks about his members warring against themselves. Your thinking and feeling need to be in alignment. Not always in total agreement, but never in dissension. Admit your insecurities and deal with them. It helps to avoid bumps in the road later on.
PLEASE ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOUR TROUBLE ISN’T THE ONLY TROUBLE!!! Don’t you think that Jay & Bey have problems in between tour dates? You don’t think that Will & Jada have had words (even before the photo featured here, it is reported that they had an argument). Even President Obama gets an earful from First Lady Michelle from time to time. I’m learning that the presence of an argument does not mean the absence of love.
Many of you are like me. Having a history on the beaten path of love, I was stumbling around and happened upon someone. I am in the beginning stages and it is not a struggle (for a change). I’m willing to try this again (having already made a tumultuous mistake with the heart and mind) as is she. I look forward to giving you more information about that here. In the meantime, please allow me to leave you and meet her for lunch…..my heart and mind will be with me. We all are gonna work together to make this one work.