Throttle Response: Political In-CAR-ectness

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In our first-ever iteration of Throttle Response, we are throwing caution to the wind. Doing away with politically correct decorum and environmental friendliness. Forget the poor little Harp Seal in the frozen tundra or the rare birds of the Amazon. The tree huggers can kiss off and those hyper-milers are non-factors. Let’s start out where a gearhead should. Here is a list of the wildest, thirstiest, most raucous automobiles available. Cars that waste fossil fuels, make inordinate amounts of noise and cause the world to turn up their nose. However incorrect they are, they sure do make a car guy (or gal) smile. Welcome to TR. Pedal Down and Here Goes!

The Most Politically Incorrect Vehicles

Lamborghini Aventador

Lamborghini Aventador Black Matte

Let’s begin with a car that evokes lust and contempt simultaneously. There is nothing about this car that says “practicality” The windshield is like looking through a pillbox and the rear view is that of a mail slot, If you get 9mpg, you’re obviously pushing the vehicle – downhill. You will either scrape the front of it going up a driveway or scrape your wallet paying a chiropractor after sitting in it.  It looks as if every edge of the car will cut you asunder. It serves n purpose on the earth other than to go fast. But hey, it’s a Lamborghini, the poster child of dreams!


Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat

A celebration of everything your mother warned you about. Speed, gluttony, power, excess, irreverence, etc. What was once thought as the Johnny-come-lately of the modern muscle car era is now the King-of-the-Hill. It can destroy as much asphalt as it burns oil. And yes, it’s a two-door coupe that is the size of a mid-sized sedan. The name says it all.


Heavy-Duty Trucks

I’m talking about vehicles as tall as Kobe Bryant and wider than Dwight Howard’s shoulders. 20 feet long and in excess of three tons. What are you towing with this kind of payload and pulling power….continents?


Jaguar F-Type R

It was supposed to be a lightweight, entry-level, affordable portal for younger buyers to the brand. Instead, it became a brutish, robust,$100,000 sports car that sounds like a cannon firing. Yessss!


Mercedes-Benz G65 AMG

It’s a tank, plain and simple. It was designed in the seventies for military use and has packs a ton of fire power (621hp/738 lb-ft. twin-turbo V-12). It costs over $200,000 and feels like driving a skyscraper.


Mercedes Benz G65 AMG 6×6

They were just sitting around Afalterbach thinking; “What do we give a guy who has a G65 AMG outfitted with all the  options, but it’s just not enough?” Two more wheels and a pickup bed – what else? Now that dictator can plow right through the village he’s pillaging, throw a Ma; Deuce in the back and charge ahead with a three-pointed star lighint the way.


 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 Convertible with the Z07 Package

It must have all the go-fast bobbles and it must be in go-fast red or look-at-me yellow. If a convertible, all the better.


 

Jeep Wrangler

Nothing say “off-roading” and “bravado” more than a Jeep. Unless you’ve got a Jeep stuffed to the gills with off-road foibles. Big wheels, lift kit. fog lights…ahhhh. Let’s crawl some rocks, shall we?


Land Rover Range Rover L Autobiography

No vehicle has exuded luxury and cache in the modern era more than a Range Rover, Princes, Power-Brokers, Presidents and Potentates pull up in them and instantly get recognition. When you see one on the road, your neck automatically cranes just to get a peek at who might be lucky enough to be behind the wheel. Wishing it was you is lofty. Making it you is costly….to the tune of $100,000 to start. Climb that mountain and play with all the features before that warranty runs out, though.


Maybach S600

Only in America can you make a big splash, suddenly disappear and then reappear as if nothing ever happened only to be received more laudably than before. Well, Maybach has done so and to great fanfare. With a vehicle like this new one, I guess they can get away with it. It oozes luxury and spits in the face of peasants who are silly enough to cross its path. So you say it’s just a puffed up S-Class? It ain’t! There’s a more grandiose Pullman a’ comin’! Despots and moguls are lining up to buy this one just like they did the last one.


Caterham

Everything on our list does not have to cost six digits. This is, after all, about indecency. Nothing brings out the 6-year old more than a ridiculous sense of raw speed. Imagine taking an empty water bottle and shooting it up in the air….with a cannon! That’s how ludicrous these things are. There is no reasonable reason to have one, but everyone that does has the same reason; to be able to say: “Wooo-Hooo!” with every drive.


Can Am Spyder,

KTM Crossbow,

Morgan Three-Wheeler,

& Ariel Atom

     

Three wheelers are all the rage nowadays, for the same reason as the Caterham: the fun factor. Some are motorcycles, some are cars, some are unclassified, but all are expensive toys for the guy who wants to have the most fun with the least amount of sheet metal surrounding him and the least possible number of wheels under him.


Koenigsegg One:1

First of all, none of your goofy friends will know what it is. Secondly, only one will come close to pronouncing the name correctly. Third, once they experience the power this thing has, they won’t be able to speak anyway. If you can afford one, You have way too much money, but way too much fun as well.


Tesla Model S P85D

Political correctness has everything to do with playing fair with your neighbors. Tesla has shaken up the industry and ruffled the feathers of dealers and manufacturers. All the while changing the game and how it is played. A car you can plug up like a hair dryer, drive like a sports car, haul kids like a minivan and cruise like a boss. Some manufacturers have  a whole lineup that can’t do all that. Now he’s adding an SUV to the range. How dare this pompous little snot out of California (Elon Musk) come in and logically devolve the industry stronghold we’ve been under for years.


There you have it. A list of cars that will have little ferrets running for cover and tree huggers tightening their grip. Vehicles that throw caution to the wind. Toys, if you will for big girls and boys. If you have any cars that you would add to the list, let us know inn the comments below. Thanks for parking here for a few.

Pedal Down!

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